Just because you think it doesnt make it TRUE
Typically we act and react based on our perception of a situation. Yet we will do this with little or no evidence for that perception being correct.
For example: A person leaves a party early and arrives late. The host can perceive that party guest to be rude or not interested in the party. The guest didnt give a good reason for their behaviour and the host considers their behaviour to be ignorant or insulting.
This relationship has now changed negatively. The host can then be a bit distant with this guest in the future as they felt personally insulted by how the guest behaved at that party.
What the party host doesnt know, is the medical issue this guest has or the relationship worry that has caused this behaviour. Perhaps they left the party early due to an embarassing personal problem?
This is an example as to how our interpretation, our perception of an event dictates our reaction and in turn affects our lives and relationships.
This host didnt fact check or make any allowance for a personal issue the party guest was having as to why the person behaved like this. The party host perceived rudeness and felt insulted and reacted with only that information.
Variations of this happen on a constant basis throughout the day with all of us.
To realise why you are feeling or thinking like you are and to isolate the emotions behind it is life changing. What do emotions boil down to? Basically, its Love and Fear.
In our example of the guest at the party, the host wanted 'love' with the guests behaviour and attendance. Yet the party host did not get that from the guest, who arrived late and left early.
The reaction of the host was anger based which is 'fear' in another form.
If the host had been more loving and made allowances for private issues the guest may have been having to explain their behaviour then the host would not have felt insulted.
Therefore avoiding the damaged relationship that now exists in this scenario.
You can do a lot of this through your own efforts. A professional such as myself as a Psychologist could possibly get you there faster.
However, I can assure you that you can progress a lot by even beginning to choose to become self-aware of your internal dialogue.
Point to remember! 'Just because you THINK IT, Doesn't make it TRUE.' Your thoughts are not facts. Central to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is this point.
We all do it but that doesn't make it ok. For some of us what we are thinking is really off centre. Genuinely not even near what is factually true. You know this, some people are way off! Thing is, you are sometimes too!
People can have very slanted and biased views on all sorts of things, anything in fact, and will believe it fully just because they thought it to be true.
We are all capable of this. To make up our minds about someone or something just because WE THOUGHT IT TO BE TRUE. Not an ounce of fact or research gained.
We react, we upset ourselves, we worry, and all perhaps for something that we framed in our minds to be a certain way.
WE framed it that way.
1. Our 'filter' perceived the event or the person or the place etc..
2. We told ourselves a 'story' attached to it
3. We believed it.
4. We react...
This happens in micro split seconds in our thought processes. Emotions are very much part of this. Intertwined is emotion.
If you want to have a healthy mind the information in this article really is key.
In Psychology we call it 'cognitive bias' which is that slanted way of thinking. Typically it is a negative bias that is in fact causing the person issue. Thing is, you may not see it as a bias, you may think its FULLY TRUE. After all, its your bias and its your mind so you are believing what you are telling yourself!
Working with me or any therapist can feel challenging because of this. It is hard to question yourself and to let go of attitudes you have held on to. Thoughts and ways of speaking that were habits. Habits of thinking and speaking that you were not even fully aware were not helping you in life. Until your therapy work sheds light on them.
What someone like me does with a person is to use techniques such as CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to help a person begin to realise those biases, those slants in their thinking. Therapy can uncover how those biases that appear in self talk are not helpful and WHY they are not helpful.
What you can do in terms of self-help is to begin to question yourself sometimes with what you are saying to yourself. Ask yourself, do you know for a fact what it is you are telling yourself is actually true? Pay attention to your self talk.
This really is key to good mental health. In fact its key to healthy communities and relationships. We would all be a lot nicer to ourselves and others if we took a moment before we made our mind up about someone or something.
If your thinking is not healthy, if you know you are having angry or resentful thoughts and worry a lot. Perhaps you find yourself not able to relate in your relationship? If you relate to any of this then therapy genuinely can help you. Probably help you a lot quicker than you realise and with such positive unburdening effects you can barely imagine just now.
I offer online therapy using Skype or Whatsapp calling or we can use Facebook messenger calling. My office locations are in Marbella and Riviera del Sol. Here is a link to my website for all information about me and working with me so as to help you. www.claritytherapy.es