A fundamental truth about happiness is that its existence doesnt mean an absence of negativity.
SO, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It means that tough things happen to happy people too. You might ask the question, 'how can a person be happy if they are going through or have gone through tough things?'
The answer lays here:
Resilience and emotional agility protects us from negative events becoming all consuming.
Resilience is the ability to 'bounce back' it is actually a natural trait. Some of us are naturally more resilient than others. However resilience can be learned so dont lose faith if you think you are not one of those blessed with natural resilience. There is a very interesting link below if you wish to continue reading about this topic.
Emotional agility is something that is very helpful to be able to do. So, in the case of the first point being made, that 'tough things happen to happy people too' it is these peoples' ability to be able to HANDLE those negative emotions in a certain way that gives them that resilience.
HOW these happy people have trauma and stress occur yet still overall to be able to feel happy? This leads to the question and our third fact answer 'what are these people doing that is keeping them emotionally balanced in this way?'
The attitude and perspective a person has on events is what defines our emotional reaction to it.
It is our self talk and our expectations that has a major role in this. Central to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is this standpoint. It's not the EVENT that defines your reaction, its YOU that is defining your reaction.
That's hard to hear and certainly can be emotionally frustrating. However it is genuinely true. The event is just an event but it is the power and meaning that we give to it that is all important.
This is HOW and WHY some people have that resilience and emotional agility we spoke of above. What they are doing is allowing themselves options and space for their emotional reactions to stressful or negative events.
This allows them to maintain happiness in the face of adversity. It gives these people the ability to bounce back and to not have stress or trauma be all consuming or begin to define them.
The botttom line here and the key take away point is that you can be happy perhaps more than you are now and you have the ability to control this. Psychotherapy and counselling does help. If you are unable to bring about balance and struggle with difficult thoughts and feelings then seek help rather than struggling like this. There are trained professionals to help you, so get help when you need it.
Links connected to the above article:
https://hbr.org/2013/11/emotional-agility - Harvard Business Review article about emotional agility..
https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/resilience-in-positive-psychology/ - University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology program, really easy to read article on Resilience.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/10/08/7-crazy-mistakes-we-make-in-the-pursuit-of-happiness/ - Fantastic article on the mistakes and fallacies we have in the pursuit of happiness.